Kingsclere Counselling Service

Addictions can include compulsive behaviour and substances such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, smoking, food, sex and technology.

Having an addiction, of any kind, can feel overwhelming. It can feel as if you are caught in a trap, especially when your life suffers difficult consequences. You might feel that the addictive substance or behaviour is your only comfort, or that you are controlled by, or obsessed with it.

We can help you on your road to recovery from addiction, by understanding what “purpose” the addiction serves in your life. We will support you in understanding your needs and urges at a deep emotional level to create alternatives in how these needs can be met in a more positive way. Ultimately, the aim is to help you make lasting changes, learning along the way from any lapses. After treatment you will feel able to live your “best life” with a sense of pride and freedom, having overcome the addiction.

Affairs and infidelity can take place at any stage of a relationship. It can be deeply shocking and traumatic for all parties involved. For many couples, the discovery of the infidelity can lead to further problems, such as sleep difficulties, anger, trust problems and low self worth. For the 'cheated on' partner, there can be an overwhelming need to ask multiple questions and seek the 'truth' about what happened, which can add to the relationship trauma. For the partner involved in the infidelity, feelings of guilt, shame and remorse can be unbearable.

Relationship therapy can be a good way to understand more about the circumstances and the relationship patterns which may have led to the infidelity occurring. We can support both partners with exploring these issues and deciding what the best next step should be.

Anxiety can manifest itself in many different ways: panic attacks; a general sense of being constantly on high alert; irritability; disturbed sleep; or a wish to avoid certain people or situations. Even seemingly small things may suddenly become very difficult.

In whatever way anxiety affects you, we will aim to help you to explore and understand where the anxiety comes from and what is at the root of it. We will look at ways to help you to minimise its impact on day-to-day life, but we will also aim to help you to explore and understand where the anxiety comes from and what is at the root of it.

Anger is a powerful emotion that can leave you feeling out of control. You probably don’t like the things it makes you do when you feel it, and therefore, you may feel ashamed of yourself, as a result.

It is important to find out what drives and feeds your anger, in order to have a better understanding of why it has such a powerful influence over you. Then, through therapy, we can look at the changes that can be made in order to live in a way in which it feels more manageable.

Navigating the end of a relationship can be an upsetting experience for both partners. Whether the breakdown of the marriage or relationship has been a shock or a mutual decision, it can be difficult to work out what to do next. Telling children, other family members and friends can feel like a big step, and the partners often need time to discuss whether they will have a 'joint' story to tell the outside world, as well as having a safe space to mourn the end of the relationship.

Relationship counselling can support couples or individuals during this difficult period, as you come to terms with the end of this important stage of their life. The loss of an important relationship can still affect individuals for many years afterwards, so counselling can also be useful even a while after a relationship is over.

It is very easy for your needs to get lost when looking after someone who is ill or has complex needs. Whilst your focus is understandably on taking care of your loved one, you can end up feeling bottom of the list of priorities. It is important that in order to give the care you wish to give, that you are supported too with what can be complex situations and emotions. We will give you the space to be yourself, explore what you are feeling and enable you to feel stronger in the role you hold.

Whenever there are changes in life, it invariably involves a loss of some description. When these changes happen unexpectedly, it can leave you reeling. Even if you have a choice and the change is potentially positive – making those decisions can be remarkably difficult and your emotional reactions may surprise you.

When making decisions, as therapists, we will never tell you what to do – it is important that you reach the conclusion that is right for you yourself. However, we will help you to explore your options, potential outcomes, hopes and fears; and allow you to untangle the emotions around it – including evaluating the losses that will come from any change. We will help you to move forward with confidence in your decision.

Living with depression is hard, and different for everyone who has it. It can be incredibly difficult to see how things will get better or find the energy to move forward or make changes. With this in mind, we do not underestimate what it has taken for you to reach out to us.

We will be there to support you in this difficult time, to talk about how you are feeling and how it has affected your life. We will sit with you whilst you explore where your depression has come from and what things in your life have contributed to it. We will continue to be there to help you find hope and courage.

Feeling stressed and under pressure about exams can be a normal part of being a student, and feelings of anxiety can be difficult to manage. Common symptoms of this anxiety are sleep difficulties, racing thoughts, heart palpitations, feeling shaky and digestive problems. Understanding these feelings and learning ways to manage them can be very helpful for students feeling under pressure, but it can also be useful to talk to a counsellor about why you feel so under pressure. What do these exams mean to you? How do you interpret success in your life? Talking about the meaning behind exams can be a helpful way of making sense of the pressure and anxiety that you experience, and provide a safe opportunity to get these worries off your chest, so that you can face your exams more calmly

Society often makes us believe that the path to becoming a parent is always happy and easy, but that's often not true for many people. Fertility issues can be a major hurdle in having children, and the medical investigations can feel very invasive. Couples are often left 'not knowing' whether they will ever become parents and there can be multiple losses along the way which can be devastating and hard to accept.

The birth of a child can also be a stressful and difficult time for parents, especially if the birth was traumatic. Recovery from birth both physically and psychologically can take time and can have a significant impact on the parental intimate relationship and sex life. Issues around sex can feel difficult to talk about and left unresolved can leave partners feeling emotionally disconnected.

Becoming a parent, although a joyous time for many, can also feel overwhelming and exhausting. Many parents feel a lot of pressure to be 'perfect' and can feel very anxious and stressed as a result. We often have an idealised picture of what it will be like as a parent, and the reality of moving from being a 'two' to a 'three' can be a shock. Parents can often find that their couple relationship suffers as it becomes deprioritised against the needs of children, and the roles of parents can feel fixed and stifling. Having some counselling to explore your feelings around this difficult and sensitive time can be a lifeline and allow you to access some time and space that is just for you and your needs.

Sometimes in life you can feel lost or lacking in a sense of direction and purpose. You may experience fear or frustration in not feeling able or motivated to achieve your dreams. At other times you may lose confidence in your own power to create the life you truly want which may make setting goals feel scary or hopeless.

We can help you understand how to overcome these challenges by exploring what might be getting in the way. We will enable you to explore your core values and beliefs, to create achievable life aims and plans which feel rewarding and meaningful for you. We can also support you in realising your plans and dreams.

Whether your diagnosis is recent or you have been living with a condition for years, it can impact all areas of your life and relationships. This may be something you resent, are fearful of, are weary of, or simply struggle to come to terms with.

Together, we can explore what your illness or diagnosis means for you. Through our sessions, we can discuss how you would like to live with it moving forwards.

Whether due to death, break up or other circumstance, grief and loss often involve many difficult and complicated emotions. You might experience a range of feelings from deep sadness, guilt and yearning to relief and anger. These emotions can feel confusing and overwhelming and can often be accompanied by physical effects of grief.

No loss is too big or too small and we can work together to help you to understand the emotions you might be experiencing, how your grief is impacting your life and how you learn to adjust to your new reality.

When your self esteem is low, self criticism and a more negative view of life can leave you less able to deal with life's day-to-day challenges. You may feel that you are not good enough or that you find it difficult to live up to your own or others expectations. Perhaps you have started avoiding certain situations as a result. Low self esteem might be manifesting itself in depression or anxiety and you might have developed unhelpful ways of coping.

We will help you to identify the negative messages and beliefs about yourself and to understand where these might have originated. We can also help you to look at ways to improve and change things for the better.

Signs that your personal development needs attention include feeling low, frustrated or that something is missing in your life. You might feel lost, “stuck in a rut”, or a lack of meaning or sparkle. Little things might be causing more stress or anxiety than before with personal motivation and decision-making feeling difficult. You also might be seeing un-wanted, repeated patterns in your relationship with others.

We will work alongside you to help you understand your feelings, discover your unconscious, un-met needs, and increase your self-belief. We will support you in creating and planning achievable goals to realise the changes you want to see in your life. We will enable you to identify and remove barriers, and to increase your personal resilience to “bounce back” from adversity. Ultimately, therapy and your personal investment in it, will unlock your true potential, so you can feel a new sense of motivation, meaning and direction in life.

Having a problem with gambling can feel overwhelming, bringing other feelings of fear, anger, sadness and loneliness, sometimes with a growing sense of guilt. You can feel disconnected from the real world as you seek to regain control, perhaps trying and struggling to fix the problem by yourself. Often you might feel your gambling is not even a problem, until the consequences become severe and undeniable (e.g. spiralling debt, feeling isolated, relationship issues, fear, guilt, shame and suicidal thoughts).

We can help you find your path to full recovery by helping you to understand: the severity of the problem; yourself, at a deeper level, to discover the root causes of the problem; your unique ways to overcome the problem; how to access your own personal power to regain control

Ultimately, our aim is to enable you to achieve a sense of pride and freedom in having understood yourself and made sustainable change. We will help you feel, then heal your pain, so you can live your “best life” after problem gambling.

Relationship problems can occur at any stage of a relationship, but are particularly common after moving in together, during early parenthood, after major life events and towards retirement. Many couples report that they are having the same arguments over and over, or that they feel their partner doesn't listen to their feelings. Previous relationship or family difficulties can have a significant impact on your current relationship and make it hard to trust, communicate or connect with each other, and you may struggle to make sense of your partner's behaviour. When your relationship feels difficult, it can be hard to know whether these issues are 'fixable' or permanent and who to turn to for support. Not knowing what the future holds for you and your relationship can feel worrying and destabilising, and you may not know how to move forward.

Relationship therapy can help you take a step back from your relationship and take a look together about the dynamics and patterns that are causing difficulties. It can provide a platform to discuss difficult issues which may have been swept under the rug, and enable positive communication and change to take place. Your therapist may also be able to provide you with guidance and exercises which you can practice at home to continue the work between sessions, allowing you to move towards your own relationship goals.

Sexual abuse is any behaviour of a sexual nature which is unwanted and takes place without consent or understanding. This includes rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, childhood sexual abuse, female genital mutilation and more.

The effects of sexual abuse can include many emotions and sensations. It can lead to nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks and disturbed sleep. You may feel you are always on the lookout for danger or become distant and disconnected from what is going on around you. Relationships and trust may be challenging along with feelings of shame and not being believed.

The impact on each person is different and we can explore what is helpful for you at your pace. By looking at how the impact of the abuse is affecting you day to day we can give you strategies to reduce them and help you cope. We can also be alongside you if you want to explore the abuse itself and be assured that it will be met with care and compassion.

Difficulties with sex are very common, and can include premature ejaculation, sex drive differences, body image problems, or lack of desire. It can be hard to discuss sex with our partner, and it is easy for feelings of blame and shame to build up. Physical intimacy is an important part of an adult couple relationship and, when this is problematic, we can feel disconnected from our partner.

Counselling can provide an opportunity for these issues to be discussed openly and sensitively, and allow you to explore the emotions connected around the sexual difficulty. We may also be able to suggest ways of overcoming intimacy problems and how to reconnect with each other healthily again.

Shame can make you want the ground to open up and swallow you so that you can’t be seen or sometimes even exist. It differs from guilt - a feeling of ‘I have done something wrong’ and is more – ‘there is something wrong with me’. Shame tells you there is no hope and may lead to you avoiding certain relationships and/or activities.

But there is hope and a cure for shame is compassion and empathy. We can offer you a non-judgemental place to gently explore those feelings at your pace. Making contact with those feelings can help to re-frame them with less self-judgement.

Stress can affect our mood, body and relationships. You might be feeling anxious, overwhelmed, irritable, be struggling to concentrate or sleep. You might be worried because you are coping by eating more or less, drinking or smoking more.

Together, we will help you explore the causes and triggers of your stress and what might help you manage stressful situations. By looking at the beliefs and messages you hold about yourself, work, life and others, we can help you to prioritise the things that will help you and give you a healthier balance.

There are many events that can happen to you that are traumatic, and they vary from person to person. They include (but are not limited to) being in or witnessing an accident or attack, childbirth, war, sexual assault, emotional abuse, natural disasters and doing a job where you witness or hear about traumatic events. It may come from a single event or multiple. Sometimes, the impact can be felt later on as at the time you were in ‘survival mode’. You may be feeling the effects impacting you with flashbacks, irritability, feeling ‘jumpy’ and coping by resorting to keeping busy and distracting yourself.

The impact on each person is different, we can explore your triggers and help you find strategies to help you cope. Talking through what happened and understanding the impact on your mind and body can help you take back control.

You may have suicidal thoughts, in which case we would like to give you the space to tell us what you are feeling without judgement. We aim to help you through this dark place into somewhere where you can feel hopeful and begin to look forward again.

You may have a friend or loved one who has attempted suicide and are supporting them. We would like to support you too.

You may have lost a loved one to suicide. Grief as a result of suicide can be much more complicated than simply mourning the person who is gone. There are many unanswered questions and what ifs that can be very hard to live with. The range of emotions that you might be feeling can range from anger to despair, guilt to relief and feeling all of them at once can be overwhelming. We aim to give you the space to voice them, explore them and come to terms with a life that has drastically changed.